From Within - Dec 1, 2009

>> Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Nanette is really missing someone....need to hear that sweet voice, see the sparkles in your eyes when you look at me and the tender touches from the gentle hands. :( 
That was my “status” on facebook a couple of days ago…I found it on “Status Shuffle” and it so fitted how I have been feeling the last few days.  Those words so fit how I feel about my mother.  With our impending move, it kind of feels like we are leaving her behind, but I know we are actually moving closer to her.  I'll explain...   Mom passed away in June of 2007 and all of the places that we shopped and things we did together with her are here.  But, we are moving closer to where she is buried in Llano, TX and that's a good thing...we'll be able to make more frequent trips.  It's still not as close as we would like, probably 3 hours away, but that's a whole lot better than 5-6 hours away and fighting the Houston traffic.  I miss her so much; sometimes I just want to go to her.  Mom's love was the purest love I've ever known or will know, but I know that her love for me would want me to go on and live my life without her and enjoy it to the fullest.  That's why she gave me life.  So, it's an internal struggle I fight some days what with the loss of her and my long term battle with depression.

Depression has been a part of my life for 20 years and it has gotten worse over the last 6 years as I have struggled with fibromyalgia and severe headaches.  The pain keeps me from living life like I would like to, but I do have good days.  I take advantage of the good days when they come and truly appreciate them.  Some people don’t understand the pain I’m in and actually think it’s in my mind.  I wouldn’t give this pain to my worst enemy, except maybe Satan.  He deserves it.

In this season of Thanksgiving, we were thankful to have the opportunity to spend time with our close by family and even Dale’s niece, Amy, who came from Arlington, TX to visit.  We are thankful to have my father living with us and for his health.  He is very self-sufficient and takes very good care of himself.  Our children are grown with families of their own and have their health, with good jobs and good futures at this point in their lives.  We are praying Amy will find another job soon as she just got laid off from her job recently.  She is confident and experienced in her field, so she has a lot going for her. 

We have two weeks before the move and the packing goes on and on and on; I do believe we will have to have a garage sale or donate some more “stuff” to a thrift shop or some type of goodwill organization.  I just hate to move it.  I’m cleaning out as we go and giving to the local church thrift shop that mom worked at before her death.  We accumulated so much of that “stuff” when dad moved out of his house, and we weren’t ready to get rid of it right after mom’s death.  Well, it’s about time.  There’s just so much of it you can hang on to, you know?  At some point it’s just too much to clean around!!!  I think mom would understand…



Until next time...
Keep it from the heart,
Nan

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The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
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